The things you do for friends...
by Rinoa Heartlock
Summary: Mars Attack style body switching, Final Fantasy on TV and a large dark thing...just read it, foo'!


"Don't touch it you foo'!" Barret shouted over to Aeris, 

"Oh quiet!" Aeris giggled uncontrollably as she reached for that huge dark coloured... 

HEY!! Don't y'all be getting ideas like that in ya head! Gyah... 

The battle had been won, Sephypoo was dead and Aeris had been revived. Square had got up off their asses and revived her, God what a mistake THAT was... 

The guys now had their own show, Final Fantasy Adventures. Tifa had nearly died from shock when she heard _that_ name, plus the makers of the programme had made her wear a skimpy top. Like that was shocking...anyways... 

"5,4,3,2,1 action!" 

The audience applauded and whistled as Tifa came onto the set dressed in the tightest bikini known to man. 

"Shut the hell up!" Tifa snapped, causing Barret the floor manager come on set. 

"Now Tifa..." he pleaded, "Ya got to wear this, hon." Tifa threw a punch easily to Barret's groin and leant over him. 

"Hmmmm, I couldn't hear that? What was it you said?" 

"Unnngghhhhh, never mind..." Barret squeaked as he shuffled off the set, still bent double. Tifa went to her room to get changed. Meanwhile... 

"Oh Cloudy poo, please go out with me!" Aeris begged. Cloud turned away from her. 

"Aeris, for like the 7 millionth time...NO!!" He moved away from the made up bikini beach complete with hotub and pool and sat near Tifa's room. 

"PLEASE!!!!" Aeris was crawling around on the floor now. "Come on! Square recreated me! I have as big a chest as Tifa now!!" Aeris started to undo her top as Cloud gasped, then winced at her body. 

"Ewwwwwwwww!! Cellulite!!!! Boob job!!! Ewwwww!!!!!" Cloud started to run with Aeris bouncing after him. 

"Cloud!!!!!! My love!!!!!!!" Aeris bounced away after him. 

Cloud ran into the girl's part of the studio and saw Tifa's room. He banged on the door furiously. 

"Tifaaaaa!!!!!! Lemmie in!!!" Cloud practically burst through the door to find Tifa in... a baggy top!! 

Cloud nearly fainted. "Aeris has...your...chest..." Tifa looked down. "I know she does!!" She unveiled her chest to Cloud. 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! "Cloud shrieked as it clicked as to what had happened. Tifa and Aeris had changed bodies!!! 

"Tifa...your curves. Where the hell have they gone???" Tifa looked up at Cloud. 

"Cloud...do you love me? I mean...like this?" 

Cloud wanted to say yes, but to a flat chested, non-developed body like Tifa had now, it was hard not to say no... 

"Well...hmmmm..." 

"TWO MINUTES EVERYONE! YOU FOO'S!" Barret called from the set. Aeris rushed into Tifa's room. Tifa eyed her evilly. 

"You whore!!" Tifa pounced on Aeris, pulling her brown hair out of her skull. Weirdly enough, Tifa fell back with a full head of hair in her hand. 

"Hey!!" Aeris screamed, "Give me back my wig you bitch!!" Aeris grabbed her wig and fixed it on and grabbed a bikini from Tifa's rack. "You won't be needing these anymore...ironing board!!" She cackled and ran into a nearby room to try it on.Tifa started to cry. 

"My curves...they went bye bye!!" 

Cloud wrapped his arms around her, smiling, although he had bigger pecks than her right now... 

"Tifa...don't worry. I bet Sephiroth is responsible for this." Tifa sniffed. 

"Cloud...Aeris is going to have to go on set with you...is that okay?" Cloud started to drool as Tifa slapped him. "Don't drool over that whore! You bastard!" Cloud woke up. 

"I'm not, honey!" He started to grovel as Aeris stood at the door in true call girl fashion. She winked to Cloud, wig in place. 

"Come on Cloudypoo, me and my babies are waiting for you..." she juggled her melons around, smiling as she walked to the set. Cloud's face had turned bright red as he smiled to Tifa and left for the set. 

"Places everyone!!" Cid charged out, "Ya mother f*kin *^&(!!!!" Vincent was on sound, Yuffie on costume, and Cait Sith on props, 

CRASH!!!! 

"Cait!!" Everyone shouted to the stuffed teddy bear, who was on the floor crying stuffing over a plate. 

"My paws are no use for this job!" He sobbed as he was lead away in men in white coats. 

"Ahem!!" Barret shouted "Anyway, action!!" 

Aeris bubbled away into the hot tub as Cloud read his lines. 

"Uhhhhh, Aeris honey? Now that you are well again, how about a hug?" 

"Oh Cloudypoo!!" Aeris gathered her assets and fell onto Cloud, nearly suffocating him. 

"Mmmmmphhh, too...much...body...get...off...me...mmmpppppphhhhhh!!!!" He screamed out of her boobs, the vibrations tickling Aeris. 

"Hehe Cloudywoudy, say that again!!" 

Cloud took a penknife and slit Aeris open, silicone pouring out onto the set in heap loads. 

"Boohoo!!!!!! My womanly figure!!!!!" Aeris cried. 

"Ahh geez, CAN WE GET SOMEONE ON THE FUCKIN' SET PLEASE??" Cid bellowed. 

"Here I am!!" Rufus hissed out in his YMCA outfit as he bounced up to Cloud. "My, what a naughty boy! Let me spank you hard! You naughty boy!" Rufus giggled, leather whip in hand. 

"NOOOO!!!!!" Cloud screamed as he ran off the set to Tifa's room, banging frantically on the door. "Tifa, let me in honey!!" 

"No, don't come in!" Tifa mumbled. Cloud entered regardless and gasped. 

"What the f*&^ you doing with my girl???" He looked to the Don who was with Yuffie and Tifa. Don Corneo jiggled his thing and looked at Cloud. 

"Hey, I'm open to a foursome. How 'bout you ladies?" The girls giggled. 

"Sure!!" 

"NOOOOO!!!!!!!" Cloud screamed. He ran out of Tifa's room, out of the studio, to a field and finally he sat down. "This is bloody insane!" He looked up as someone coughed. "F$%^ me!! It's Sephiroth!" 

Sephy laughed as he looked down at Cloud. "Hello there...ahem, come on!!" He commanded Cloud as he floated the spiky haired love god up to his level. "You want your girl and everything back to normal?" Cloud nodded frantically. 

"Yeah, more than anything!!" 

"Okay then." Seph spoke quietly. "All you got to do is...become gay! MWA HA HA!" 

"Gay???" Cloud screamed, "No way!!" 

"Yes Cloud, you become gay and all of your friends will be back to normal. I promise." Sephiroth cackled. 

Cloud thought for a minute. What about his self esteem? What about his principals? What abou- 

Oh screw that, these were Tifa's greatest assets at stake here! 

He shrugged. 

"Fine." 

In a flash of light, all the cast were gathered around Barret's *ahem* 

"Don't touch it you foo'!" Barret shouted over to Aeris. 

"Oh quiet!" Aeris giggled uncontrollably as she reached for that huge, dark coloured...stone in his foot!! 

Aeris body jiggled uncontrollably as she touched the stone, and her chest went from a 276674554 ZZ to a 1AAAA. Tifa touched it next and went from a 1AAAA to a 276674554 ZZ. Barret went back to his mother f^&kin' self. Cid...well...okay, Cid _was_ normal. Well, as normal as Cid could ever be. Yuffie got her normal clothes back, Don's ass was well and truly kicked, Cait sith finally got out of the mental hospital, and as for Cloud... 

"Spank me harder you love boat!!" Rufus shrieked out on the silk covered bed. 

*SPANK!!* 

"Ohhhhh yeahhhhh!!!!" 

SPANK! 

"Gyah..." Cloud groaned. "The things you do for friends..." 

|~*~|FIN|~*~|


End file.
